Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
