Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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