Swine flu. Run for my life!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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