I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
