Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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