I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
