why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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