ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
