People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
