This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
