Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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