shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
