if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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