So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
