In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
