It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
