I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
