my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
