U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
