Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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