i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize