thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
