I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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