I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
