I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
