Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize