I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
