Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I smell stomach acid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
