You made me cry and you don't even care
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
