So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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