I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
