I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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