I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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