Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
