i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
