If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
