what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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