we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
