Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
