when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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