These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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