you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize