He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
