Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
