where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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