need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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