she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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