I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
