New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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