I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
