The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
