in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
be right there i have to get my cape
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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