i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
