in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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