I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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