Got a toothbrush?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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