Your dad touched me again.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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