I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
