OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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