I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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