oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize