I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
