what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
