I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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