Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
