So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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