Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
