You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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