put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize