Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
