Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
