i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
