I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
