very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
