I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
