look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
