So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
