yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
