just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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