guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
