I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize