How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize