currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
