Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
