covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
