I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
