I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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