Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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