i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am available for nakedness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
