Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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