I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what day is it and did you see me today?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
