If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
