Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
