DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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