Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
