yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
