goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
