Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
