Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
