I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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