At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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