im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
