I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
