The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
