i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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