Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am spending my child support on dildos
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Randomize
