Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
