we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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