you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
